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As a psychological phenomenon, the "midlife crisis" became a popular term after a 1984 book by journalist Gail Sheehy called Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life defined it as an anxiety around the idea of mortality—basically, thinking "is that all there is?" to life. As much as the phenomenon does exist, Diller says that for women stereotypically, a midlife crisis is spurred on by seeing the first major physical signs of aging in her body, including graying hair, wrinkles and, most notably, menopause. Diller says this might happen when our children are all grown and have left the house, or if our parents don’t need to be cared for, and we need to find new ways to fill our time. Wilding says that if you have more bad days of struggling with these kinds of questions or thoughts than good ones, that’s a strong sign that you may want to seek professional help, be it a life coach, a therapist, or a supportive group of friends.

But romantic love’s less-discussed sidekick, platonic friendship, is equally important, and it’s a key part of maintaining healthy relationships. This type of friendship can exist between many pairs, though it’s most commonly associated with a connection between members of the opposite sex (think: When Harry Met Sally). If you ultimately end up feeling that deep connection, that’s platonic love. It’s normal for your spouse to be jealous of a platonic relationship, says Raab, but communication is crucial to help manage those feelings.