Cynthia Leu

I realized I was ✨s p e c i a l✨ (I previously wrote “broken” but changed it to “special” 🤪) when I did some squats on one leg on a small table and the internet told me it was dAnGeRoUs. Sweetie, I have #ADHD 🤠 Our definition of danger is not the same. I am absolutely more likely to die than you are — and I’m shocked natural selection hasn’t taken me out yet 😭🤣 ⠀ I have literally jumped out of a moving car, thrown live grenades, jumped out of airplanes, been assaulted at knife point, been in a gas chamber with a gas mask that wouldn’t properly seal, cliff dived, put an acid spitting scorpion in my mouth for $25K, squat 330 lbs, escaped a plexiglass box filling with water while being held down by giant metal rods, hiked 11 miles with 60 lbs on my back on a fractured foot & sprained ankle, and shot machine guns. Deciding to do some squats on one leg is on the ✨s a f e✨ side for me 🤠 ⠀ I know I’m talking about this jokingly/lightheartedly, but there is a darker undertone here — studies have shown that having ADHD can more than DOUBLE your chances of dying prematurely. Wonder why 👀 Everything on that list is from before I started getting treatment for ADHD (other than cliff diving and squatting 330lbs). I still need more stimulation than neurotypicals — but I’ve found some slightly less risky things in life to satisfy certain urges 🥰🥳 Might still do some dumb shit tho 😈 ⠀ #4runner #trdpro #t4r #adrenalinejunkie #offroad #usmc #adhdproblems #adhdawareness #adhdwomen #neurodivergent #mentalhealth #growth

Hi friends 🤠 here’s a pic from the beach last month. I just cut myself off from working another late night because I deserve rest — AND YOU DO TOO. ⠀ If you’re feeling exhausted, take a break. If you can’t take a break, take a moment. If you can’t take a moment, it’s time to change up your routine 💖

Today’s #outfit 💃🏻 I’m moving to #Connecticut at the end of this month so you bet your ass I’m wearing shorts/skorts as much as humanely possible rn before it’s time to wear PANTS in the COLD? 🥶🤣 ⠀ Now accepting applications for cool ass friends close to #WestHartford, CT 😍 Cis men need not apply 🙃 BUT YA — COMMENT WITH SHIT YOU LIKE TO DO CAUSE I KINDS WANNA GET INTO A FIGHTING SPORT, MAYBE TRY MOUNTAIN BIKE, MAYBE TRY CLIMBING SOME ROCKS, MAYBE ROLL DOWN SOME HILLS WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN MAH WHOLE LIFE BOUT TO CHANGE LESSGOOO

After having to cancel weekend plans for three weekends in a row… I FELT WELL ENOUGH TO DO A THANG LAST NIGHT!! 🤩 ⠀ First concert back since the pandemmy 🥺 I stay going to shows cause I’m more excited about the openers than the headliners 😭🤣 This was the perfect concert for @ingreedo and I to go to cause I’ll always watch @jordandavisofficial live and @ingreedo loves @kanebrown_music 🤠 ⠀ If you know anything about me, I have a lot of feelings and essentially everything has a deeper meaning to me (wassup to my fellow #INFP’s and #enneagram4w3’s out there? 🤣) My favorite part about watching artists on the come-up is the genuine happiness you can see them exude because they are literally in the process of making their dreams come true 🥺 That shit can make me cry when I just think about how damn cool it is for someone to go from playing in dive bars with people talking over your performance, to opening for a sold out show at the Staples Center in LA. Being happy for others is a whole ass vibe. Highly recommend. Currently chillin at the beach posting this 😩💖 Hope y’all had a bomb ass weekend tooooooo!

UPDATE: It’s been two days since my egg retrieval procedure and WOOHOO I AM MENTALLY BACK Y’ALL!!! I feel like a dark cloud was lifted from me and I actually feel like myself again 😭 I’m able to think clearly and I’ve been able to work too 🥺 Physically, I’m still in some pain and have to be on a low carb diet, watch my fluid intake, and avoid exercise to manage the bloating and hyperstimulation for the next 7+ days. ⠀ Left pic is a few weeks ago and right pic is today. I had a tough time with body image earlier this week when my estrogen levels were off the charts. But now that I’m feeling mentally well again, I’m so happy to realize that this excessive bloating (7 lbs worth) does NOT actually shake my confidence 🥰HAHA I BE FEELING CUTE TODAY 💃🏻 ⠀ We retrieved 24 eggs and were able to freeze 22 of them 🥺 That’s it yall! I’m done! As of now, I DO NOT regret going through this, even though I was scared I would be on Monday when I could not function 🙃 Fingers crossed that I continue to recover without any further complications since sometimes it takes a few days after retrieval for more severe hyperstimulation symptoms to show up 🤞🏼

Watch insane levels of hormones completely deteriorate my mental health over the course of just a few weeks! 🤠 1st vid is the first time ever injecting myself and last vid is from yesterday (the worst I’ve felt). ⠀ I started off on this journey physically and mentally healthy. Currently physically ill and mentally ill to the extent I’ve had a hard time leaving my bed the past few days. I wish I had known the extent of the emotional and physical pain/side effects of the medications and that it could get as extreme as severe depression/suicidal ideation. Everybody responds differently, and that’s why I think it’s so important for me to share this experience — especially since most information you can find online is written by fertility clinics that are trying to convince you to go through the process. ⠀ I’m saying this as someone who isn’t guaranteed to have fertility issues, but wanted to buy time/freedom of choice. I don’t want to dissuade people who don’t have many other options — and I even feel guilty saying bad things about a process that some HAVE TO go through in order to have kids… ⠀ BUT I DO want to caution anyone who wants to do this to “take advantage of a benefit” that their company offers. I thought it was going to be empowering, but nope. You’re at the mercy of how your body reacts throughout this process and won’t be able to make/keep plans/work as there’s nothing set in stone and there’s a lot outside of your control. There have been many moments/days where I couldn’t think clearly no matter how hard I tried and I was unable to complete simple tasks. It’s been humiliating and isolating to feel like I can’t control basic things when I view myself as pretty damn mentally/physically tough/resilient. ⠀ I’m at high risk for OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome) from my body’s extreme response to the injections. My estrogen level is above 6000, and even backing out of the process wouldn’t reduce the risk now. The retrieval procedure is tomorrow and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Fingers crossed for no complications so I can begin the process of rebuilding what my life was ASAP 😅

Brain: stay in bed and be sad over all the overwhelming shit happening right now ⠀ Me: NOPE I KNOW I CAN ONLY CONTROL WHAT IS WITHIN MY CONTROL *puts on ✨s p e c i a l✨ makeup and cute outfit to crush the day 🥰* #oppositeaction #makeyourbrainyourbitch

We be looking like we look on Instagram 1% of the time 🤩 Hi friends idk how it is only Tuesday ha haha haaaaa hope you’re all thriving and not just surviving 🙃 Here’s some posing/flexing tutorials from this morning’s gym sesh because I’m not allowed to do any high-intensity exercise for another week. I do not know how to not be intense 🥴 had to stop myself whenever I felt myself breathing harder 🤣 ⠀ Stop reading if female reproductive things make you uncomfy: 4 days into shooting myself up with hormones and things are going better than expected! The only side effects I’ve felt so far are some hot flashes, a bit of bloating/holding on to some more water weight. Thankfully the shots don’t seem to be affecting my mood nearly as much as regular old birth control pills did. Idk how people deal with being on the pill — they made me cry almost every day 🥴

Rare footage of me NOT crying at my desk today 🤣 ⠀ Nothing like a stress-induced eczema flare up around my tattoo (bob the blob) to cap off this week 🤠 I start injecting myself with hormones every day starting tomorrow woooohoooooooo. But it is FRIDAY AND I AM GETTING TF OUTSIDE RIGHT GODDAMN NOW BYYEEEEEE HOPE YOU ARE MORE MENTALLY STABLE THAN I AM RN LOVE YOU XOXO YOU ARE DOING GR8 SWEATY 🤠

Had to take 1.5 weeks off from the gym with the shitshow that has been my life lately 🤣 so getting this session in last night felt AMAZING 🥺 ⠀ Life’s been hilarious lately with the universe TESTING MEEE 🥴 I’m sure I’ll find the mental energy to update y’all on all the shenanigans that’s been outside of my control eventually 😂 For now, here’s the #selfcare I practiced last night after work. I desperately needed it after yet another anxiety-provoking doc appointment in the morning 😅 ⠀ Pics & videos: A #gym session where I did whatever tf I felt like, a #cyzzburger from @innout with a view 🥰, a nice lil social experiment existing as a woman —wondering how you’re supposed to know which men are safe and which are not 🥴, and not pictured — ending the night with a bath. I felt rejuvenated for once and was able to be best version of me possible today and that’s all I can ask for 🥰 The next few weeks are going to be tough, but I’m trying as hard as I can to only focus on things within my control 🤠 #mentalhealthmatters #ifanxietywasanolympicsport #idkickass #bro

I meannnnnnn that’s one way to say you don’t want a girlfriend anymore 😭🤣 @therealcamtaylor

Proud of me 🥰

Keep scrolling if female reproductive things make you uncomfy 🤷🏻‍♀️ When I posted about my decision to start the process to get my eggs frozen, I was shocked by how many other women were interested in learning more 😳 I’ll be documenting my journey so that the info is out there! ⠀ The most common question seemed to be about the price… Unfortunately I can’t help answer questions about this since it’s a benefit my company pays for 🥺 I only know that it’s typically between $15K-20K per cycle depending on where you go. It typically isn’t covered by insurance, but talk to your insurance provider about this! ⠀ The first step was getting a consultation with a doctor at a reproductive clinic. Then I removed the birth control in my arm in order to allow for a few natural periods. I got my blood drawn for a hormone panel to ensure I was healthy. Tomorrow, I go in for my ultrasound and more bloodwork. Low key terrified for bad news (which I’m learning is a common fear for women that I had no idea was shared 🥺 you’re not alone) ⠀ I’m expecting to go on birth control pills for about two weeks after the appointment before another ultrasound and being taught how to inject myself with hormone medications daily 🙃 These injections will prompt my ovaries to produce multiple mature eggs. I believe it’s at this point where I’ll have to stop high-impact exercising and chill a bit cause my ovaries will be hardcore bulking 🤟🏼 ⠀ Anyways, I’ll keep updating y’all as I continue ✌🏼 HAPPY FRIDAYYYYYY

Absolutely horrendous at roller skating still — but WHATEVA LOOK AT OUR SKATES 🤪 #definitelysisters #leusisters #saturday ⠀ #1 thing I do for self-care (that makes the biggest impact on my mental health) after a year and a half of working from home? Make sure I get tf outside (in any way) on weeknights and weekends. Doesn’t matter in what way as long as I’m changing up the scenery once in a while 🥰 I did zero cardio before we got up in this pandemmy, but now it’s necessary to keep from going stir crazy 🙃 ⠀ Did you get more or less active this past year and a half? I started off the first year by becoming the most sedentary I’ve ever been in my entire life 🥴 but then fliiiippppeddd that the last few months 🤩

Been going through major internal change / healing / transformation lately and it’s uncomfortable (at best). ⠀ Stripping away the person you thought you were “supposed to be” in order to become the person you were meant to be is ✨t e r r i f y i n g✨ I’m exhausted from questioning just about everything lately 😅 but we are doing this thannngggg and leaning into the discomfort by recognizing that it’s a necessary part of growth 🥲 Nothing great happens in your comfort zone 🥰 ⠀ Anyways, here’s a home workout I did on Monday when I dicked around on my phone for too long (to avoid confronting emotions lmao) and didn’t end up having enough time to go to the gym before an appointment 🤠 Something is always better than nothing though! I need to move my body every day to regulate my nervous system and prioritize mental health. Get that blood flowing y’all! ⠀ Oh and my reaction to HIIT exercises (last 3 slides) is also how I felt about this growth phase before moving into acceptance 🤣