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It's about having an initial expectation/hope/want and having to shift gears when reality hands you something different. And I think that's where I'm at six months out. It's ok to have longing and moments of envy and moments of relief. It's most important to treat yourself kindly and don't feel ashamed about your feelings.

I wanted to touch in today to invite anyone in the LA area to a screening, panel discussion, and art exhibit on Saturday, June 9th at Venice Arts in Marina Del Rey. One through open adoption, one through egg donation, one is a single mom by choice who created embryos through egg and sperm donation, then donated her remaining embryos to other people who have made babies with said embryos, one who is a parent via gestational surrogate, and one incredible guy who just went through TESE (a surgery where sperm is extracted straight from the testicle) and found out he and his wife will need to move to a sperm donor. The exhibit has over 300 pieces in their permanent collection (that they are lugging across the country right now) and it's a very different take on advocacy and support and coping. Why not hang with people who may understand you on a different level, understand the different ways babies can be made, and have a glass of wine in a thought provoking art exhibit.

But what I do feel, as someone who has tried really hard to decrease stigma and shame that's often associated with infertility through this blog and through our film, One More Shot, is that IT IS TIME for anyone who struggles to conceive to say F that to stigma and shame. I have written about shame and stigma in a variety of different ways, but being that it's infertilty awareness week, I want to take a hot minute to explore a few cultural and institutional shifts that need to take place in order to really change the experience of the infertility patient. The doctor is often the first person to have the difficult conversation about using someone else's genetics, and how that conversation happens can set the tone for how a person conceptualizes and feels about using a donor. We can all gently correct people (as I do when people ask me how tall Momo's "real mom" is) when they use language we are hoping to change.

It's been a mix of crying it out, feeling sad, then being really present with her and grateful that she's here. What's important for me is that I'm aware of where I'm at and I notice moments where I am ready to pack up and give away all the baby stuff, so I throw it into a trash bag, then find myself digging out a few cute outfits that I'm not ready to let go of. I also notice moments where I'm slightly triggered again, like when I pick her up from school and the ergo-carrying brigade of parents with new babies come bouncing into school.